Updated: Feb 10
Since the beginning of my existence, I have liked to ask questions. It wasn't just a phase that children go through either when their rebuttal to their parents every answer is, "why?" My parents would be the first to say I should've gone to law school since I can refute most anything. Some have told me I just like to argue. I like to look at it as you better have a damn good answer, so I don't have to question you.
Let's take it back to our early years when we were mere sponges and soaking in everything we see and hear. Through my research of the intellect and brain, Traditional Chinese Medicine recognizes that the most crucial years in our subconscious programming happen before we reach three years old. Acknowledging this would mean that everything we see, hear, witness or experience is stored in our subconscious memory but not in our conscious memory. This is why we generally don't have memories before the age of three or why you might have a recollection of what seems to have been a dream, but you can't quite recall it as an experience. Can you believe that?
TCM also recognizes that because everything in existence is energy, our programming begins the second we are conceived, not just at the time of our birth. This means our mother's personal experiences from conception to delivery become our own and become stored in our subconscious. Is your mind blown yet? This is why you may act, react, think, and feel a certain way about a given experience even though you haven't experienced it firsthand.
If you think this is ridiculous or too far-fetched, I invite you to do your own research. As I said, I like to have answers to everything. So when I first read this, I was bewildered, but I began putting the pieces of my own life together. My mother and I have always been close and shared a great deal of information. However, everyone keeps secrets out of shame, fear, anxiety, unworthiness, and all of those isolating feelings no one likes to talk about or express. They might even keep experiences to themselves for the sheer fact that they believe it happened, it's over, and there is no reason to revisit them.
With the knowledge I've gathered, I've come to realize both of these forms of emotional storage are harmful to the body. First, imagine all of our personal experiences stored in the body. Next, imagine your mother's past experiences stored in your body, who is then holding your grandmother's past experiences, and so on. That would mean we carry generations of unintended emotions and experiences. So the next time you experience a headache or a body ache, make a note of what you're doing when it occurs. I bet the next time it happens, you're in the same scenario. That's because our bodies intuitively know when we're in an uncomfortable situation and communicate that as a physical response. Unfortunately, we're conditioned to ignore our body's intuitive guidance because the human brain is equipped with an ego, and well, those societal standards are a doozy.
Years ago, when ancestry.com popped up, I signed up immediately. As someone who grew up craving information about my family tree, I knew very little about my family history on all sides. I thought my family would be as excited as I to know where we descended. So, I made a call to my grandparents to begin asking for some basic information to get started. My grandfather seemed just as excited as I on this journey of family discovery and shared the information he was at liberty to provide. On the other hand, my grandmother became cranky and irritable every time I called to seek information. She most certainly did not hide her distaste for it being me on the other end of the phone, either. I'd get, "Oh, it's you again." Unlucky for both of us, she didn't know how caller ID worked.
I did find some family connections. But, unfortunately, I couldn't fully connect the dots because no one was willing to provide more details. As a result, my search for connection and belonging to my past came to a quick halt. Not soon after, my grandparents became ill. One, then the other, they both passed away. Saddened by their loss, I was also upset I lacked information about my past, for they both took that information to their grave. So I thought.
The passing of my grandparents was discouraging, but it didn't stop my mission of healing cyclical and ancestral family patterns. With that healing came endless conversations between my mom and me—stories of our experiences, traumas, and upbringings from our perspectives. The more we divulged, the more parallel I realized our experiences and those of my grandmothers and other family members were. I then understood my grandmother's distasteful attitude toward my search for answers about our history. There were secrets she wanted to take to her grave, only they didn't make it to her grave, and for that, I am thankful. It allowed me to understand cyclical behaviors amongst those in our family. Behaviors I, for one, have no interest in repeating or passing to my offspring.
My grandmother was raised very Catholic, and if you know anything about Catholic guilt, it's no joke. As I uncover my family's history on both sides of my bloodline, I certainly question whether it's done more harm than good. The elaboration of that topic is better suited for another time, though. For now, we'll focus on the physical response emotions have in the body. What I find interesting about this topic are the endless resources the internet provides; however, most people are inclined to take whatever will suppress their symptoms. Don't get me wrong, I used to be one of them, and that's how I got here!
The experience that changed my perspective happened about a decade ago. I'd always been what one would consider healthy, but I started becoming ill with one thing after another. Time and time again, I visited the doctor who I thought could fix my illnesses. Time and time again, I left the office with the doctor not finding anything wrong, but they'd give me a prescription for X. Do you see the irony here? I filled the medication on a couple of occasions, but it didn't help my problem. I slowly began questioning the motive behind what was occurring and was beyond confused because I learned to trust the professional. This confusion went on for about a year until I had a procedure done in which the same doctor admitted malpractice to me, then wouldn't engage after that conversation. We all know for what reason. Even though I'm not one to sue, they didn't know that. All I wanted was an apology and for them to take accountability. Ok, and maybe go back to damn school or switch professions. Here's your sign! Although I never got an apology, I am a huge believer in Karma.
Don't get me wrong; There are many excellent health care providers, so don't let this discourage you. Instead, let my string of bad luck be the misfire that enlightens you. And above all, I chose to find the silver lining, and this series of unfortunate events forced me to start taking accountability for my own health and healing. For that, I am thankful!
It's important to understand the things that slow us down, throw us off, or what seems to be lousy luck turns out to be a blessing in disguise. These dark moments lead me to find my light. I discovered my natural healing and intuitive abilities, discovered my mind-body connection, and found an incredible network of natural healers in the process. I can say with absolute certainty that I've healed almost every illness, ailment, trauma, psychological problem, etc.- Bronchial asthma, TMJ, sinus problems, PMS(and a slew of other female-related issues), carpal tunnel, and so on. This healing has occurred through various healing modalities and awareness. I'm still a work in progress, though, as emotions can surface at any time.
Every healing uncovered an emotion, which revealed a hidden memory within my subconscious. These memories led me to an awareness that allowed me to connect the physical response within my body. Once I acknowledged the emotion or memory, the biological response became less and less. Uncovering the trauma that secretly dictated my life has led me to the emancipation of who I truly am. Healing has allowed me to let go of relationships that didn't serve me, set boundaries with those who, like me, didn't have any, and put an end to unknown behavioral patterns. Most importantly, it has allowed me to become secure in my own skin, put myself before others in a healthy manner, and heal numerous health issues by listening to and trusting myself.
I highly recommend each person's priority be self-exploration and healing above all. Give yourself grace, the time, and space to get to know your mind, body, and soul. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. Explore that feeling. What's your ammo?
I'd love to hear what you discover on your own personal healing and self-exploration journeys!
Disclaimer: Please be advised to seek medical attention if you have a medical condition. Self-healing and exploration should not replace medical care. Consult with a medical professional for all health concerns.