I don't think I'm the only one who has plotted an overdue revenge scheme when considering the number of people who have wronged me throughout my life. The idea of revenge seems all so sweet and satisfying. However, it does come with a cost. That is why I never act on my revenge plots. Check out my post 7 Reasons You Shouldn't Seek Revenge.
So, why is seeking revenge so appealing? I thought about this question over and over again, soooo many times.
The answer I kept coming up with was retribution. To make my offenders feel as miserable as they made me feel. To really sock it to 'em! Ya know? I don't care who you are; I know you can relate any or all of these at some point. And if you haven't, good for you! You probably were taught to set healthy boundaries!
•To finally make that bully understand how they've depleted me of my energy, worth, value and confidence.
•To make them understand the times I've wanted to hide away in a corner from the rest of the world and not be seen.
•To make them understand the days I've had no interest in getting out of bed to face them or the world.
•The nights I've cried myself to sleep over their actions or words and embarrassment.
•The sleepless nights of ruminating thoughts that ultimately led to the days of not wanting to get out of bed.
•The formed habits of negative self-talk that were created over their actions.
The list could go on and on.
These people deserve to feel the same pain I'm feeling or have felt, right?
Wrong!
You're probably thinking, now, wait a minute! What the actual heck are you talking about, Jamie?!
I know! I know! But Linda, listen! 😆
As I kept asking myself these questions...
Why did I want revenge?
Why did I want them to feel my pain?
Why are they doing this to me?
Why did they choose me?
Why do they keep doing this to me?
Why isn't anyone helping me?
How do I make them stop?
After question 327, I finally got to the root cause of why these people did what they did and why some continued to do it. The conclusion I came to was that I was the main problem. Not them.
I repeat I was, in fact, the problem.
Sure, these bullies are complete A-holes, and nobody likes them, so they have to pick on the people that those around them actually do like to gain recognition and acknowledgment. But let's unpack and reframe that for a second. People aren't complete A-holes for no reason. There is always a reason. Maybe they grew up in an abusive environment, or perhaps someone embarrassed them, so the best way to avoid the shame of that embarrassment is to deflect or project it onto someone else. Either way, that situation led to them having no control of what took place. What happens, as a result, is a need to control everything and everyone around them. It's a survival mechanism. So these people have already been hurt by someone. So why would you want to hurt them further? I know that's hard to consider when you're dealing the pain and frustration of sheer embarrassment.
Most people don't realize that bullies are sad little children inside who are kicking, screaming, and crying for love, attention, and acknowledgment. Most likely, they are experiencing a less-than-loving and caring family environment, so they take it out on anyone who will let them.
Key words here… anyone who will let them.
These people don't have boundaries at home and are looking for someone to lay down the law and draw a clear line in the sand. Why? Because humans crave boundaries and rules. When healthy boundaries aren't set early on, they worsen and spill into adulthood. And at that point, you have a 5-year-old navigating an adult avatar. It's like the Haribo gumi-bear commercials, only in Chucky form.
But let's dive into this even further. Those that the bullies successfully manipulate have no clear boundaries either or are way too compassionate. Compassion is great, but you have to have limitations; otherwise, you get walked all over. Boundaries are one of the most important characteristics to develop, yet it's made it to the bottom of the priority list for most.
The reality is, like most who are bullied, I had no boundaries. I fully allowed these people to walk all over me. But it's incredible how it stopped once I learned to grow a pair of lady balls(AKA set boundaries). And actually, becoming a mom was probably the biggest catalyst. You don't mess with a momma bear!
We're so used to wanting to point the finger at the other person and play the blame game because the victim card is just so easy to play. And heck, I'm just going to say it, the unfortunate trend today is to play the victim card as a means of not holding oneself accountable. That, my friends, is a form of manipulation. But, of course, looking at yourself in the mirror and then pointing the finger is a tough pill to swallow. No one wants to think they're actually the problem.
My point is… Boundaries are the best form of revenge. Two wrongs don't make a right, and at the end of the day, if you choose revenge, I guarantee you'll feel worse for stooping to your offender's level. Worse than that, you'll have created a Karmic tab for yourself. So do yourself a favor and open a tab for sending your offenders love and light. After all, darkness always tries to dim the light of those who shine the brightest. So don't let them dim your light!!
Keep your head up and shine on! 😎
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